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Advocates against ending a relationship due to cheating, teaching both victims and perpetrators of infidelity how to deal with their feelings, reduce their sense of despair, and begin rebuilding a strong relationship.
Iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity. An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book. For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart. Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations. Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”
Statistics show that one in every four marriages is impacted by infidelity. So the odds are pretty good that you or someone you know has experienced the searing pain of marital infidelity. But adultery is not an automatic death sentence for your marriage. You can trust again. You can restore intimacy. You can have a relationship that you will both cherish for a lifetime. Ten years ago, Gary and Mona Shriver experienced the devastation caused by adultery, and in the course of trying to save themselves, they wrote this book. Raw, transparently honest, the Shrivers’ story alone is an inspiration, offering hope and practical strategies for healing. Now this updated and revised edition adds other real-life stories of betrayal and forgiveness, and new information defining adultery, including the destruction of emotional affairs. Some doubt if a marriage can truly heal after the ravages of infidelity. Unfaithful proves you can. It’s not easy . . . but it can be done. Is it worth it? Yes. And you hold the first step—and hope—in your hand.
One of the world’s leading experts on infidelity provides a step-by-step guide through the process of infidelity—from suspicion and revelation to healing, and provides profound, practical guidance to prevent infidelity and, if it happens, recover and heal from it. You’re right to be cautious when you hear these words: “I’m telling you, we’re just friends.” Good people in good marriages are having affairs. The workplace and the Internet have become fertile breeding grounds for “friendships” that can slowly and insidiously turn into love affairs. Yet you can protect your relationship from emotional or sexual betrayal by recognizing the red flags that mark the stages of slipping into an improper, dangerous intimacy that can threaten your marriage.
Based on a groundbreaking 25-year study of marriage, divorce, and new love-finding the right one just became 100% possible. Whether you're divorced or separated, out of a long-term relationship, or newly dating after a long break, Finding Love Again will help you prepare for a healthy and fulfilling new relationship. Brimming with stunning original findings, first-person stories, and eye-opening advice, Finding Love Again shows you simple, practical strategies that have been shown time and again to help singles find someone special. Dr. Terri L. Orbuch, renowned relationship expert and director of a pioneering relationship study, shows you: • Eight relationship myths that are sabotaging your love life. • Why singles who have little or no contact with an ex's family find love at significantly higher rates than singles who keep in close contact with their ex-in-laws. • How singles who make one change to their daily routine-and stick with it for at least 21 days-are twice as likely to find new love. • Why the happiest couples in new relationships are the ones who don't share bank accounts. Finding Love Again shows proven strategies that can help anyone find love again.
What’s holding you back from a great marriage? “I don’t believe in ‘okay,’ ‘decent,’ or ‘solid’ marriages. I’m against them,” says M. Gary Neuman. “I believe only in great marriages, and that you should expect and reach for no less.” In the last fifteen years, M. Gary Neuman, marital therapist and architect of the Sandcastles Divorce Therapy Program, has helped thousands of couples in crisis. Couples who fight. Who’ve grown apart. Who are stuck in relationships that run more on routine and rancor than love and understanding. What he’s found is that, contrary to popular belief, the problem is usually not poor communication. It’s the failure to put most of your focus into your marriage. You’ve only got so much energy. Are you spending it by being emotionally unfaithful? Take a quick check: Do you send that funny e-mail to your friends at work—but not to your spouse? Do you chew over all the problems on the job so thoroughly with your colleagues that by the time you get home, you just don’t feel like going into it all over again? Do you get a secret thrill out of flirting with coworkers—thinking it’s safe because you know it’s not going any further? If so, you’re committing emotional infidelity—and you’re draining your marriage of the energy it needs to be great. Learning how to break this cycle is one of eleven secrets M. Gary Neuman shares in his provocative new book. Based on the ten-week program he’s developed in his successful couples counseling practice, the book offers guidelines that are often counterintuitive, even outrageous or shocking. But they work. Dare to limit contact with members of the opposite sex. Dare to need each other. Dare to put in writing the nitty-gritty realities of a marriage plan. Dare to put your marriage before your kids or job. Dare to make love in a whole new way. Dare to change your focus: make the commitment to focus on each of the eleven secrets (ten plus one bonus secret) for one
Moving forward wasn't a matter of trusting Joe. I had to learn to trust God. A single text message on her husband's phone shattered her world. Faced with the truth of his betrayal, Hilarie is tormented by anger and debilitating fear. The shame and confusion push her into isolation. Can she forgive the unforgiveable? Will she ever trust her husband again? Award-winning We Survived Infidelity, a true story, offers a rare perspective on a husband's battle with sexual brokenness, and a wife's struggle to grasp the truth. A nonbeliever, Hilarie is surprised when she hears God in the depths of her anguish. Slowly, she is awakened to a new hope, remarkable insights, and inexplicable love for the man who upended her world. Ride the emotional roller coaster through a past riddled with lies. Reflect on lessons that may bring about change in your own life. And most importantly.... Witness the transforming power of God's love in the lives of two people who refused to give up on each other. "This courageous work will be both comfort and challenge for any woman who feels alone in the devastating reality of infidelity." - Susan Allen, author and cofounder of Avenue Ministries "We Survived Infidelity, is a phenomenal love story that reveals how God can transform even the most impossible situation into a thriving, living example of His grace." - Jessica Brodie, South Carolina United Methodist Advocate "Hilarie's transparency is heart wrenchingly accurate..."-Meg Wilson, author and CEO of Hope After Betrayal Ministries *** Don't miss out on this journey of discovery. Purchase We Survived Infidelity today.
Infidelity is common, occurring in over half of all marriages. And it is one of life's most painful experiences for everyone involved--the betrayed spouse, the children, the extended family members, and even the lover and wayward spouse. With all that sadness, why do people have affairs? And once trust is broken, how can a couple reconcile? In Surviving an Affair, Drs. Harley and Chalmers describe the most common types of affairs, the reasons they begin and end, the best way to end them, and the best way to restore a marriage after an affair. But most importantly, they help readers survive the ordeal by providing them with step-by-step guidance that minimizes suffering and offers hope for rebuilding a loving and trusting marital relationship.
A bestselling, groundbreaking author investigates successful long term marriages, interviewing wives and their uncensored strategies for staying married. America's high divorce rate is well known. But little attention has been paid to the flip side: couples who creatively (sometimes clandestinely) manage to build marriages that are lasting longer than we ever thought possible. What's the secret? To find out, bestselling journalist Iris Krasnow interviewed more than 200 wives whose marriages have survived for 15 to 70 years. They are a diverse cast, yet they share one common and significant trait: They have made bold, sometimes secretive and shocking choices on how to keep their marital vows, "till death do us part," as Krasnow says, "without killing someone first." In raw, candid, titillating stories, Krasnow's cast of wise women give voice to the truth about marriage and the importance of maintaining a strong sense of self apart from the relationship. Some spend summers separately from their partners. Some make time for wine with the girls. One septuagenarian has a recurring date with an old flame from high school. In every case, the marriage operates on many tracks, giving both spouses license to pursue the question "Who am I apart from my marriage?" Krasnow's goal is to give women permission to create their own marriages at any age. Marital bliss is possible, she says, if each partner is blissful apart from the other. A fascinating window on the many faces of modern relationships, The Secret Lives of Wives brims with inspiring and daring examples of women who have it both ways: a committed marriage and personal adventures in uncharted territory. For anyone who wants to stay married and stay sane, this is the book to read!
It's all about cheating--the biggest threat to intimacy. Typically, men are good at creating rifts in relationships but terrible at mending them, especially after they've repeatedly betrayed their partner through sexual infidelity. For the most part, cheating men are both intimacy-challenged and empathy-challenged, and, as such, they lack the skills needed to overcome the damage wrought by their infidelity. Robert Weiss has spent over twenty years in the treatment of sex and intimacy issues. He's helped both cheating men and their betrayed spouses move through the horrors of infidelity. In Out of the Doghouse he shares his expertise, illuminating the ways in which men can move beyond their usual feeble efforts to smooth things over. Saying "I'm sorry" and trying to "buy forgiveness" with flowers and jewelry may temporarily calm the stormy seas of infidelity. However, these actions do nothing to re-establish intimacy and trust—the key components to help the distraught woman feel better about her relationship over the long-term and get over the cheating. The simple truth is men and women are very different when it comes to intimacy and relationships. While men are able to compartmentalize things like sexual infidelity, women typically view cheating as an affront to their entire relationship. They think, "If he is lying to me about sex, he's probably lying to me about everything." For betrayed women, trust just flat-out disintegrates. And without proper guidance, men have little hope of restoring it. Weiss provides exactly the needed guidance in Out of the Doghouse, helping men move past the usual infidelity roadblocks that result from cheating in ways that will not only save a damaged relationship, but restore intimacy to make it better than ever.
"One of the foremost relationship experts at work today applies the insights of science toward understanding the real meaning of trust between a couple. He decodes the "why" behind betrayal and shows how partners can avoid or recover from unfaithfulness and maintain a loving relationship.Dr. John Gottman, the country's pre-eminent researcher on marriage, is famous for his Love Lab at the University of Washington in Seattle where he deciphers the mysteries of human relationships through scientific research. His thirty-five years of exploration have earned him numerous major awards, including from the National Institute of Mental Health, the American Psychological Association, and the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Now, Dr. Gottman offers surprising findings and advice on the characteristic that is at the heart of all relationships: Trust. Dr. Gottman has developed a formula that precisely calculates any couple's loyalty level. The results determine a relationship's likely future, including the potential for one or both partners to stray. A Love You Can Trust shows couples how to bolster their trust level and avoid what Dr. Gottman calls the "Roach Motel for Lovers." He describes how the outcome of--"sliding door moments," small pivotal points between a couple, can lead either to more emotional connection or to discontent. He suggests a new approach to handling adultery and reveals the varied and unexpected non-sexual ways that couples often betray each other. A Love You Can Trust guides couples through an empirically tested, trust-building program that will let them repair and maintain a long-term, intimate, and romantic relationship"--
From the authors of the best-selling The Secrets of Happily Married Men comes the much-anticipated follow-up book The Secrets of Happily Married Women. In their first book, Dr. Haltzman and his coauthor Theresa Foy DiGeronmio outlined a recipe for men about growing a happy marriage: treat marriage with the same sense of purpose, resolve, and single-minded devotion that they have for their job. Although that workplace formula works well for men, an entirely different set of criteria resonate with women. In The Secrets of Happily Married Women, Dr. Haltzman tells us stories from real women who are happy in their relationships. These women know how to get more out of their partners by doing less, by not trying so hard to make men perfect, not dragging them to couples therapy, not expecting them to think or behave like a woman. These are women from Dr. Haltzman's clinical practice and culled from thousands of contributors to his Web site www.HappilyMarriedWomen.com. They have learned to understand how men really work and tap into men's powerful hard-wired desire to please women and "be a better man."
Praise for The Secrets of Happily Married Men "Manly men rest assured: You can hope to become a better husband without having to get in touch with your feminine side. . . . Lively and entertaining, this broad guidebook provides Haltzman's insights illuminated by anecdotes from his online discussion forum for married men." Psychology Today "Haltzman . . . launches his eight strategies with remarkable vigor. More important, they are extraordinarily well fleshed out and convincingly supported with useful 'to do' lists and a multitude of examples. They will no doubt prove helpful to many men struggling to build a happy marriage." Publisher's Weekly "Scott Haltzman, a psychiatrist and Brown University professor, has been studying marriages good and bad for a long time. . . . View marriage as your most important task, Haltzman urges men, and pursue success as you would anything else that matters." Washington Post "Men are good at fixing problems, not talking about them, so Haltzman advises playing to your strength. The genius of this book is that it . . . asks politically incorrect questions about men and women at homethe neglected front in the gender wars." New York Times "The insights in this book reveal a new and effective way for men and women to understand and appreciate each other. It shows what it really takes to create a loving and lasting relationship." John Gray, author, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus Marriage and relationships are in crisis. The breakup and divorce rate remain incredibly high, despite all the couples therapy, afternoon talk shows, and other books in the marketplace, many of which describe men as abusive commitment phobic creeps who'd better change fast or else. But this new book is totally different, a whole different way of looking at how to build a successful long-lasting relationship from a man's point of view, men who are happy in their partnerships, who have figured out what works for them in accomplishing the goal of a loving, in
Why do half the people in marriages have affairs? What problems are they trying to solve? Using actual case studies, as well as examples from music, literature, and film, Dr. Pittman identifies four basic patterns of infidelity—the accidental encounter, habitual philandering, marital arrangements, and romance—discussed how to limit the damage that affairs do, and offers practical suggestions on how to make a marriage work.
Drs. Schneider and Corley's groundbreaking 2002 workbook, Disclosing Secrets, addressed the impact of disclosure on both addicts and their partners. Their subsequent research showed that the impact of disclosure is very different for partners than addicts. Surviving Disclosure, helps partners better understand the trauma resulting from the addict's behaviors and offers a step-by-step guide for how to begin the healing process, prepare for the impact of living with an addict (even an addict in recovery), and deal with shame, anger and fear. The book describes what to tell the children and others, how to promote self-care and well-being no matter what the addict does, and how to set boundaries as part of rebuilding trust. Relationships can heal and partners can thrive after disclosure.
